I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There r osticjed everywhere
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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