this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
