wanna go halves on a baby?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
