You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
