i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
