1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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