I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
