I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
