It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
