I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
