if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
