I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
