All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
