You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
