You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
