I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
