you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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