i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
