My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
