This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
