oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
