I smell stomach acid.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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