I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
