I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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