Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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