he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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