There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
