We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
