Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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