I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
