I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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