The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
