I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
