i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
