You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
