So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
