Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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