Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
