Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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