Life is so much better after having sex.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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