He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
