i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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