I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
