theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
