so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
