In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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