yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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