The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
