I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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