Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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