Just fell off a train. Bad.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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