PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
