take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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