what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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