Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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