Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
