I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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