is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
