Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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