have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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