Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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