alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
50% drunk capacity currently
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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