yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
