I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
