Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
