Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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